from the heart..

FINALS WEEK.

98729879342 cups of coffee.
2 weeks of hell.
0 hours of sleep.
 

i’m ready to kill it. 

good luck on your finals everyone!

past.present.future. life .

i wish i could re-do my college years.
from doing well in high school to getting into a better college.
not saying that VCU is crap, but just the environment i put myself in, is just not worth the struggles i’m going through right now.
VCU is a great school, it’s just that i became so comfortable around certain groups of people, i lost sight of God and what’s really important to me.
when i really think about the past 3 years in college, i feel as if i didn’t achieve anything, but rather took 89028340398 steps back before i even took a step forward.
school isn’t hard, it’s just i make it hard for myself.
it’s so sad that it took me 3 years of my college life to finally realize i’m fucking up and actually do something about it.
but the past is the past and what counts is what i do from this point on, right?
i’ve disappointed so many people in my life, especially my parents.
they work so hard, pray for me everyday, support me, and yet i can’t even do well in school.. ONLY because i haven’t fully put 110% of my effort into it.
i really wish i could be a freshman again and start over with a clean slate.
i really wish i could be at that point of my life with God where i’m not struggling to find Him again.
it’s been almost 2 years already since i went to Haiti, and for the past year and a half, it just all went to waste; what i learned, my love and passion for God, everything.
2 summers ago was when i was at the highest point of my life.
it was when i was so at peace with myself and with God.
it was when every piece of the puzzle seemed to fit together.
i look back now, and i realize why. it’s because i let go of my life and gave it to God to handle.
i stopped trying to take control of my own life and just gave it up to God.

i miss going to church.
i miss being in praise team.
i miss bible studies.
i miss all the brothers and sisters i met along the way.

it’s much later than i wanted, but it’s finally time to change the way i live and find my identity in Christ again.
better now, than never. right?

there are so many hard decisions i need to make that could change my life drastically whichever decision i choose to make.
i don’t know what to do…